Looking for a funny quote of the day? This collection serves up 250 laugh-out-loud lines — from Oscar Wilde’s razor wit and Mark Twain’s frontier humor to Mitch Hedberg’s surreal one-liners and Groucho Marx’s timeless zingers — so there is a fresh funny quote of the day waiting whenever you need a smile.

In this collection (17)
- Morning Laughs: Funny Quote of the Day to Start Your Day
- Funny Quotes About Life
- Work and Office Humor
- Love and Marriage Laughs
- Funny Quotes About Money
- Food, Coffee and Diet Humor
- Aging Gracefully (and Hilariously)
- Wilde & Twain: Masters of Wit
- Comedians on Everyday Life
- One-Liner Laughs
- Funny Wisdom for Bad Days
- Tech and Modern Life Humor
- Pet and Animal Antics
- Weekend and Procrastination Humor
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Editor’s Picks
- More Quotes to Explore
There is real science behind the giggles: researchers have found that laughter eases stress, boosts mood, and even helps people bond. Long before the studies, the great humorists knew it instinctively — which is why a daily dose of comedy, whether from a good laugh at breakfast or a witty line before bed, has always been folk medicine for bad days. Pick one each morning and carry it with you.
A note on honesty: most lines here are published with their widely-documented source. A few genuinely disputed favorites appear as “Attributed to,” and widely-circulated anonymous jokes are marked “Unknown” — exactly what they are.
Morning Laughs: Funny Quote of the Day to Start Your Day
Mornings are hard; laughter makes them easier. A funny quote of the day with your coffee beats hitting snooze for the fourth time.
- “I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” — Benjamin Franklin
- “Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben
- “I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.” — Marsha Doble
- “Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” — Glen Cook
- “I’m not a morning person. I’m not a night person. I’m more of a ‘whenever the coffee kicks in’ person.” — Unknown
- “I love the early hours of the day. It’s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.” — James M. Dent
- “My alarm clock and I are in a committed relationship. It goes off, and I commit to ignoring it.” — Unknown
- “Snooze button: a device that allows you to be late in 9-minute increments.” — Unknown
- “I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me.” — Ray Bradbury
- “The best part of waking up is knowing you can go back to sleep for five more minutes.” — Unknown
- “I asked my alarm clock for a second opinion. It said ‘wake up’ too. I need new friends.” — Unknown
- “Coffee first. Adulting second.” — Unknown
- “My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.” — Unknown
- “I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.” — Unknown
- “Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.” — James Thurber
- “I don’t wake up with coffee. I wake up with the fear of being perceived before coffee.” — Unknown
- “My morning routine: hit snooze, regret everything, repeat.” — Unknown
- “I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.” — Unknown
Funny Quotes About Life
Life is confusing, unfair, and occasionally ridiculous — which is exactly why the funniest minds in history had so much to say about it.
- “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon
- “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” — Robert Frost
- “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” — Confucius
- “Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer
- “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” — Isaac Asimov
- “The meaning of life is that it stops.” — Franz Kafka
- “Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.” — Jean de La Bruyère
- “Life is too important to be taken seriously.” — Oscar Wilde
- “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright
- “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” — Mallory Hopkins
- “My life has a superb cast but I can’t figure out the plot.” — Ashleigh Brilliant
- “Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.” — Charles M. Schulz
- “The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.” — John Barrymore
- “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” — Katharine Hepburn
- “Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
- “Life is like an onion: you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.” — Carl Sandburg
- “Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.” — Annette Funicello
- “My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.” — Unknown

Work and Office Humor
Nobody ever laughed their way out of a Monday meeting, but these lines make the 9-to-5 considerably more survivable.
- “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
- “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
- “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
- “I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
- “Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
- “The reward for good work is more work.” — Unknown
- “My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.” — Unknown
- “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
- “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” — Oscar Wilde
- “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
- “A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.” — Milton Berle
- “Meetings are indispensable when you don’t want to do anything.” — John Kenneth Galbraith
- “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” — Zach Galifianakis
- “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
- “People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
- “I find it hard to believe that my boss actually pays me to be here.” — Unknown
- “My job is secure. No one else wants it.” — Unknown
- “I got a job as a dishwasher, but I couldn’t stomach it.” — Unknown
Love and Marriage Laughs
Romance is wonderful. Marriage is wonderful. Both are also, let’s be honest, extremely funny.
- “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield
- “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” — Unknown
- “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” — François de La Rochefoucauld
- “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” — Mignon McLaughlin
- “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Unknown
- “My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.” — Unknown
- “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
- “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
- “Marriage is like a walk in the park: Jurassic Park.” — Unknown
- “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” — Agatha Christie
- “Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
- “My wife’s idea of romance is me loading the dishwasher without being asked.” — Unknown
- “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey
- “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” — Albert Einstein
- “Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles M. Schulz
- “Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.” — Unknown
- “My husband and I have never considered divorce. Murder sometimes, but never divorce.” — Joyce Brothers
- “Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” — Woody Allen

Funny Quotes About Money
Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a lot of material for comedians. The funniest takes on wealth, budgets, and being broke.
- “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.” — David Lee Roth
- “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope
- “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” — Earl Wilson
- “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” — Woody Allen
- “The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” — Kin Hubbard
- “I don’t like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves.” — Joe Louis
- “Money won’t make you happy, but everybody wants to find out for themselves.” — Zig Ziglar
- “A fool and his money are soon elected.” — Will Rogers
- “Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.” — Christopher Marlowe
- “The lack of money is the root of all evil.” — Mark Twain
- “I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention.” — Ron Kittle
- “Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.” — A.A. Latimer
- “Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” — Henny Youngman
- “Money is the most envied, but the least enjoyed. Health is the most enjoyed, but the least envied.” — Charles Caleb Colton
- “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” — Henry David Thoreau
- “Money often costs too much.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
- “If money is your hope for independence, you will never have it.” — Henry Ford
- “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.” — W.C. Fields
Food, Coffee and Diet Humor
Diets fail, coffee never does. For everyone whose meal plan is more of a rumor than a rule.
- “I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.” — Ronald Reagan
- “Coffee is a language in itself.” — Jackie Chan
- “Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.” — Stephanie Piro
- “I like my coffee like I like my mornings: dark and bitter with a chance of regrets.” — Unknown
- “Decaf coffee is like kissing your sister.” — Unknown
- “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.” — Unknown
- “My diet plan: make all of my friends cupcakes. The thicker they are, the thinner I look.” — Unknown
- “I tried the paleo diet, which is the diet where you eat like a caveman. I don’t know any cavemen, so I just ate like a regular person who skips bread.” — Jim Gaffigan
- “The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.” — Julia Child
- “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” — A. Whitney Brown
- “Chocolate is God’s apology for broccoli.” — Richard Paul
- “Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not.” — Unknown
- “Age and glasses of wine should never be counted.” — Italian Proverb
- “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” — W.C. Fields
- “A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.” — Barbara Johnson
- “I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.” — Unknown
- “My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.” — Unknown
- “I’m not on a diet. I’m on a see-food diet.” — Unknown

Aging Gracefully (and Hilariously)
Getting older is mandatory; taking it seriously is optional. The greats on wrinkles, candles, and creaky knees.
- “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain
- “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Bob Hope
- “Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.” — Jennifer Yane
- “Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Jack Benny
- “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
- “Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.” — Mark Twain
- “I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do.” — Phyllis Diller
- “You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.” — Joan Rivers
- “First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.” — George Burns
- “Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” — Theodore Roosevelt
- “The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.” — T.S. Eliot
- “I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-olds do you know?” — Frank Howard Clark
- “Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.” — Walt Disney
- “At my age, flowers scare me.” — George Burns
- “I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.” — Rita Rudner
- “The older I get, the better I used to be.” — Lee Trevino
- “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” — George Burns
- “Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” — Bob Hope
Wilde & Twain: Masters of Wit
Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain turned the one-liner into an art form. Their sharpest lines, still undefeated after a century.
- “I can resist everything except temptation.” — Oscar Wilde
- “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” — Oscar Wilde
- “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” — Oscar Wilde
- “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” — Oscar Wilde
- “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” — Oscar Wilde
- “The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” — Oscar Wilde
- “Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes.” — Oscar Wilde
- “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” — Mark Twain
- “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” — Mark Twain
- “The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” — Mark Twain
- “Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” — Grant Allen
- “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” — Mark Twain
- “The report of my death was an exaggeration.” — Mark Twain
- “I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.” — Mark Twain
- “I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.” — Oscar Wilde
- “A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.” — Oscar Wilde
- “Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.” — Oscar Wilde
- “It is a curious thing that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone who holds it.” — Mark Twain

Comedians on Everyday Life
From Mitch Hedberg’s surreal logic to Steven Wright’s deadpan physics, working comedians on the absurdity of the ordinary.
- “I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.” — Mitch Hedberg
- “Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.” — Mitch Hedberg
- “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.” — Mitch Hedberg
- “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” — Mitch Hedberg
- “I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.” — Mitch Hedberg
- “Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?” — Steven Wright
- “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright
- “I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time.’ So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.” — Steven Wright
- “What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.” — Unknown
- “I told my suitcases there will be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.” — Unknown
- “My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.” — Unknown
- “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” — Unknown
- “If you can’t convince them, confuse them.” — Harry Truman
- “I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.” — Unknown
- “I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.” — Steven Wright
- “I have a large sea shell collection which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world.” — Steven Wright
- “Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.” — Steven Wright
- “I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.” — Steven Wright
One-Liner Laughs
Short, stupid, and perfect. The kind of jokes you forward to the group chat immediately.
- “I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.'” — Unknown
- “Parallel lines have so much in common. Shame they’ll never meet.” — Unknown
- “I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.” — Unknown
- “I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. I heard you can get thinner there.” — Unknown
- “I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.” — Unknown
- “I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.” — Unknown
- “I told my computer I needed a break. Now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads.” — Unknown
- “Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.” — Unknown
- “I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.” — Unknown
- “What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.” — Unknown
- “I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.” — Unknown
- “The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, ‘This changes everything.'” — Unknown
- “My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.” — Unknown
- “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” — Unknown
- “I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.” — Unknown
- “Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.” — Unknown
- “I whisper ‘what the hell is wrong with you’ to myself at least 20 times a day.” — Unknown
- “My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry.” — Unknown

Funny Wisdom for Bad Days
When the day goes sideways, laughter is the fastest reset button ever invented. Doctor’s orders, more or less.
- “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life gave them vodka.” — Ron White
- “If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” — Ron White
- “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” — Abraham Lincoln
- “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
- “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles M. Schulz
- “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Unknown
- “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” — Attributed to Winston Churchill
- “Tough times never last, but tough people do.” — Robert H. Schuller
- “The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry.” — Jim Carrey
- “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” — Victor Borge
- “A good laugh is sunshine in the house.” — William Makepeace Thackeray
- “Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, and dreams are forever.” — Walt Disney
- “The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” — E.E. Cummings
- “Laughter is an instant vacation.” — Milton Berle
- “Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.” — Mark Twain
- “A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” — Phyllis Diller
- “If you can laugh at it, you can live with it.” — Erma Bombeck
- “Laughter is the best medicine, unless you have diarrhea.” — Unknown
Tech and Modern Life Humor
Passwords, autocorrect, and Wi-Fi outages: modern life is a sitcom that writes itself.
- “I think it’s fair to say that personal computers have become the most empowering tool we’ve ever created.” — Bill Gates
- “The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.” — Jon Stewart
- “Technology is a useful servant but a dangerous master.” — Christian Lous Lange
- “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” — Arthur C. Clarke
- “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” — Thomas Edison
- “My password is the last 8 digits of pi.” — Unknown
- “There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.” — Unknown
- “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.” — Emo Philips
- “The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it’s too late.” — Seymour Cray
- “To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.” — Paul R. Ehrlich
- “I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” — Unknown
- “My phone’s autocorrect has made me the person I never wanted to be.” — Unknown
- “Wi-Fi went down for five minutes today, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.” — Unknown
- “I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me ‘your password is incorrect.'” — Unknown
- “Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.” — Unknown
- “If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100 and get a million miles per gallon.” — Robert X. Cringely
- “The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.” — Unknown
- “Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs.” — Rick Cook

Pet and Animal Antics
Dogs, cats, and Groucho Marx on the creatures who run our households and our hearts.
- “Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” — Roger Caras
- “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney
- “If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?” — Unknown
- “My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.” — Joe Weinstein
- “Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” — Jeff Valdez
- “Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.” — Mary Bly
- “I used to be a cat person, then I got a dog. Now I’m a dog person who tolerates cats.” — Unknown
- “A cat will be your friend, but never your slave.” — Theophile Gautier
- “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” — Groucho Marx
- “I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” — Groucho Marx
- “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.” — Groucho Marx
- “Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.” — Groucho Marx
- “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” — Groucho Marx
- “A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” — Groucho Marx
- “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” — Groucho Marx
- “If you want the best seat in the house, move the dog.” — Unknown
- “My cat just walked on my keyboard and somehow opened 47 tabs. I think she’s applying for jobs.” — Unknown
Weekend and Procrastination Humor
For everyone doing tomorrow what could have been done today. Douglas Adams understood you perfectly.
- “Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday.” — Unknown
- “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” — Douglas Adams
- “Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” — Don Marquis
- “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” — Mark Twain
- “Someday is not a day of the week.” — Janet Dailey
- “If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.” — Rita Mae Brown
- “Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” — Ellen DeGeneres
- “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” — Thomas Jefferson
- “My weekend was so good, I don’t even remember what I did.” — Unknown
- “Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them.” — John Shirley
- “It’s the weekend. Do something that your future self will thank you for. Or nap. Napping works too.” — Unknown
- “Friday is my second favorite F word.” — Unknown
- “Dear Monday, I want to break up. I’m seeing Tuesday and dreaming about Friday.” — Unknown
- “Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life.” — Unknown
- “Goodbye, tension. Hello, pension.” — Unknown
- “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” — Marthe Troly-Curtin
- “Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.” — William James
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a good funny quote of the day?
A good funny quote of the day is short, clean, and instantly shareable — the kind of line that makes you snort-laugh at breakfast. The best ones come from professional observers of absurdity: Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, and working comedians like Mitch Hedberg and Steven Wright.
Who wrote the funniest quotes of all time?
Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain are the consensus all-time champions of the witty quote, with Groucho Marx, Dorothy Parker, and P.G. Wodehouse close behind. Among modern comedians, Mitch Hedberg, Steven Wright, and Ellen DeGeneres wrote some of the most-quoted one-liners ever.
Can I share these funny quotes on social media?
Yes — the quote cards in this collection are made for sharing. Save an image, post it to your story, or drop a line in the group chat. Laughter is one of the few things that gets better the more you give it away.
Why is laughter good for you?
Researchers have found that laughter reduces stress hormones, eases tension, and strengthens social bonds. It will not fix your problems, but as the old line goes, against the assault of laughter nothing can stand — which makes a daily funny quote genuinely good medicine.
Editor’s Picks
| Quote | Best For |
|---|---|
| “Life is too important to be taken seriously.” — Oscar Wilde | Starting the day |
| “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” — Douglas Adams | Procrastinators |
| “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” — Mark Twain | Honest living |
| “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” — Groucho Marx | Book lovers |
| “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” — Joe Girard | Goal setters |
| “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” — Mark Twain | Master procrastinators |
| “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” — Unknown | Decision paralysis |
| “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey | Married life |
| “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.” — David Lee Roth | Big dreamers |
| “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain | Birthdays |
| “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” — Thomas Edison | Tough days |
More Quotes to Explore
If this funny quote of the day made you laugh, keep exploring:
- funny quotes to make you laugh out loud
- happiness quotes for brighter days
- life quotes with a smile
- love quotes for lighter moments
- good morning quotes to start smiling
- motivational quote of the day
- quote of the day for work
- the bible quote of the day
- international women’s day quote of the day
- gym quote of the day
- birthday quotes for the big day
- hope quotes with humor
- wisdom quotes from funny minds
- peace quotes for calm days
- inspirational quotes for life
